Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize