just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
