Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
