In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
