tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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