I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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