I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
