it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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