remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
