i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
