if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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