Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
