Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
