He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
