i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
