No stitches, just platelets and will power
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
