Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
