As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
