i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
