There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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