Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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