Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
