I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize