Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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