and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
