Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just cropdusted the office
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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