Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
