How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
