i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
wow bdsm is so cute
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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