kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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