remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
