So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You dont lie about slip and slides
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
