Cold hands, warm shart.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
