i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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