if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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