don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Farmville is her only friend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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