I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
