I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
