Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
