he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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