So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
