yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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