Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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