im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
