i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
