i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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