I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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