You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
