I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
