I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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