so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
