so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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