real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
