She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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