it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
