you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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