I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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