Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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