I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
