Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
