I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
